#and it just reminds me of better days :(

[xxplastic-cubexx]

personal happiness or what the fuck ever

bonus:

[crnl-chicken-tots]

Push and pull, yeah that's our arrangement

[sysig]

“It could be that the loss of her children drove the Queen deeper into her darker desires...but, I don’t believe she was fighting against them that hard before that particular tragedy. No monster does.” (Patreon)

Bonus:

Hmm, wonder what he could cover those holes with :3c

[ra-vio]

this blog is 11 years old now 🎉

I drew the siblings ever to celebrate as usual

[runefactorynonsense]

Melotober - Day 19 - Nostalgia

What a difference a year can make!

[wundrousarts]

I discovered these paintings by James McNeill Whistler recently, Nocturne in Black and Gold: Falling Rocket (top) and Nocturne in Black and Gold: The Firewheel (bottom). I’m sharing them because they make me think of Nevermoor, as so many things do.

With paintings, a nocturne refers to the depiction of night. This is derived from the musical term, where a nocturne refers to a musical piece that is “inspired by, or evocative of, the night.” These both just come from the fact that “nocturne” essentially means “of the night”.

On a basic level, this just reminds me of Nevermoor by the aesthetics. The dreamy nighttime setting strikes me the most, but also the sparks of yellow fire that make me think of Wunder. Think of how many important scenes happen at night- Morrigan on Eventide, the Museum of Stolen Moments, and the Hollowpox in Courage Square. But the concept has me thinking, obviously, about the Wundrous Art of Nocturne. The only songs we know are Morrigan and Squall’s, who both chose nursery rhymes as their Nocture. Their choices make me think of lullabies, sung at night… and there’s lots to think about with that.

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

[raayllum]

You think I've done awful things, and I have. But I'm not evil. It's me. You know me. I'm still the same person.

I actually think these lines / scene from Claudia is one of her most interesting in the entire show, so let's talk about it, beat by beat.

You think I've done some awful things, and I have.

This line, along with others from Viren (his "I had to" is another form of justification, and what's to justify if you done nothing 'wrong' or nothing to be blamed for?), i.e. "In the name of love, you will perform acts so unforgivable, you will never forgive yourself" as well as Claudia's explanation in 4x01 ("I had to do things... I never imagined I would be able to do" with tears in her eyes) and Terry's assertion ("I've seen you do a lot of awful things, dark magic things") is like... while Claudia still doesn't see the error, I'm willing to bet, with the bulk of her actions (elves and dragons are still clearly not wholly people to her), she's still done things that she considers awful. Things that crossed her previous moral lines, beginning, I'd bet, with the deer in 2x09, and that which only escalated from there.

Claudia still thinks she's a good person (which we will get to in a second, believe me) but she doesn't think she's squeaky clean. She knows, just as Viren knows (and just as Callum knows/believes) that she's done genuinely awful, terrible things.

A character feeling bad about doing something, or a character recognizing that something they've done is terrible ("It's horrific, Viren" "We have no other choice"), is not a get off scot free card in this show, and it never has been. Not for Claudia, and not for anyone else.

While Claudia has been manipulated by Aaravos, everything she's done is of her free will, and without lying to herself about the exact nature of them (even if there's still plenty she's in denial of like the plague, but I digress).

Claudia is like 5 different cognitive dissonances in a trenchcoat, but she's not stupid, either.

But I'm not evil. It's me.

This to me shows the mask slipping the post, because if there wasn't even a hint of possibility at being evil, you would feel no need to declare otherwise. I forget where I've said this before but Claudia cares (esp in arc 1, less so in arc 2 but it's not nonexistent) about being a good person. It's kinda like how Viren doesn't really care if he's good or not, but he wants to be important (matter). Bonus points for Claudia's hypocrisy/shields being worn down over time ("She kidnapped you and Prince Ezran, how can she be good?" -> attempting to do the exact same thing an episode later). She's cracking, but desperately trying to convince them (for mostly manipulation reasons) and herself (genuinely) that she's not, that instead...

You know me. I'm still the same person. I am.

TDP has always been very interested in identity, most notably for characters like Callum, Rayla, and Soren in arc 1, but it's fun to see it be expanded and interrogated further by looping Claudia in during arc 2. S5 and arc 2 places a lot of emphasis in particular on the idea of knowing yourself ("That's not my name. I am Elmer") or knowing others ("She's not the elf, she's Rayla") / preserving your sense of self in the face of change or hard circumstances ("But violence tests us" "Callum, you're the 'destiny is a book you write yourself' guy").

Claudia highlights this twofold. She asks the boys to know her, despite how much time and bad blood has gone by. She appeals to the many years of friendship they had in contrast to their few months turned years of being foes. It's barking up the wrong tree (Callum's Spellbook asserts that even as of s2/s3, "I feel like I don't know who she is anymore" on his end) but I am actually inclined to believe her.

This may be a misread, simply because from S1 but especially S2 onwards I always figured Claudia would end up precisely where she is now, so I don't know if it's the consistency influencing my judgement call possibly clouding more intense changes (she refused to use Harrow against the boys in 2x02, to a degree) but... I don't think almost anything Claudia does in S5 is something she wouldn't have done the bulk of in S1, other than threatening the boys, and she's done that multiple times by the time the end of S2 and S3 rolls around, most notably towards Ezran.

She's still the same person, but her circumstances and therefore her responses have gotten steadily, consistently worse. But this has always lived inside her. She's the same person (but worse), they know her and see her more clearly than they ever did before, and both of those things are precisely the problem.

[gwenboucharddidnothingwrong]

rushed nimona watercolour to celebrate the oscar nomination

[xxplastic-cubexx]

I LOVE your art first of all gahh!!

And i love the way you draw Charles like, did you just make this bald old man incredibly attractive????

thank you so much !! with that i always say I Draw What I See ... charles xavier already attractive nuff said tyvm i didnt do anythin extra.....

[hplonesomeart]

He found out he’s not the highest rated anymore….isn’t taking it too well <<

[soup-is-here]

Mouthwashing Spoilers

TW: Addiction and Self Harm

I wanna go on about Swansea's final monologue but it's hard to put into words, but I'm gonna try anyways cause it's a short, but strong story about autonomy again. This post ended up significantly longer than I wanted though

It's the autonomy to choose the "less healthy" option because it's appealing to you. It's the moral assignment to normality and stability. An alcoholic is an alcoholic by choice, technically, but do they owe us otherwise? Is it morally reprehensible to enjoy taking LSD at a party? Should we see someone as less than because they relax with a xanax instead of a hot shower? It's not healthy. We know that. We've seen anti-drug ad after ad after ad. But is that the part that's morally wrong, in and of itself? Does enjoying the drugs and chaos make Swansea a worse person?

Like him talking about his entire life and ending it by saying between the "stable" "normal" life and him waking up every morning with a new hangover, he preferred the latter. People always talk about getting clean and fixing their lives and Swansea did it! He did the thing "good men" do! A wife and kids and a trade job and sobriety! He was doing it! He was finally "worth" something!

And he hated it! I mean I don't know if he actually hated/despised it, but he misses his previous life. He misses drugs and partying and living like you might not wake up the next day. He said the thing that changed him was seeing himself dead in a ditch under the bright beam of a streetlight. Now he's looking down the barrel of a gun. And as he looks down it, he looks back. That was his preference. It felt good to be like that. And he wouldn't be here if he stayed there

We always have a narrative about drugs or gambling or sleeping around where a person suddenly realizes that they aren't "doing anything" with their life and becomes stable and it's always played like addiction is a false pleasure. Swansea got to the stability people said would be the real pleasure of life and that just wasn't true for him. One bad paycheck could've been the difference between his stable life and falling apart anyways. His lifestyle was going to kill him someday apparently, yet he's staring down the barrel of a gun at his steady trade job to feed his wife and kids.

I don't know quite how to word it but Swansea is the poster child for rehabilitation. There's this weight to him saying his alcoholic period was the best time of his life. Like it just hits at that pang that makes people wear DARE shirts while smoking weed and post those videos of smoking 100 cigarettes at once. Anti-vaping ads tell you about the damage they do to your body but everyone knows that already. Everyone knows "this is what your brain looks like on drugs." I smoke medical marijuana and it isn't good for my lungs but it's good for my pain. Doing drugs isn't good for me and I know that and that's sorta the point sometimes.

I don't know it's just this weird pang where I know what Swansea means, just not to nearly the same extent. I don't have an addiction so I don't think I could fully understand it. Maybe a better thing I could relate it to for myself is self harm. It's not healthy sure, but who do I owe health? Myself? Other people? And what is healthy? Is it feeling better now? Is it resisting now and feeling worse for it until it stops? What if the coping skills I learn make it worse? What if they make it better? Do I want it to get better? Does Swansea want to get better? What would better feel like to either of us?

Who knows until you try. Swansea got a collared shirt, a mortgage, and a credit card. He got a job and a wife and kids. He got sober. He got healthier, depending on your definition.

But did he feel better? He's looking down a barrel of a gun and he has to decide if he feels better. It doesn't seem like he regrets his new life. He says he wants his kids to be better than him. He wants good things to happen for them. He saw himself as one bad slip away from falling again. I don't think he felt better though. I think he got healthier. He likely would've ended up in the ditch he dreamt about, but we don't know that. We also don't know if that's what he'd prefer. But, we do know he got healthier, depending on your definition.

[froschli96]

Literally Malik in AC Rebellion:

[angelmush]

went to the state fair yesterday and tried so so much good food !!! my favorite things were the pickle lemonade (literally my favorite drink ever since i first tried it a couple weeks ago) and the fried pickles and the roasted corn. feeling like a true midwesterner after that :-)

[studioboner]

talking about death to someone else whos also experienced loss or multiple loses is always so much different than talking to ppl who havent lost anyone yet

[smoshingatut]

I'm kinda tired of dungeon meshi fans blatantly misinterpreting Kabru's goals, motivations, and character so they can ship him with Laios...like obviously it's awesome if you enjoy Laikabu but can you nooot twist Kabru's intentions for involving himself with the guy who constantly triggers his monster trauma and pisses him off so bad he gets brain damage so that he turns into "the guy who wants to suck Laios's dick" as his entire character? I've even seen people cut off Kabru's words to make it seem like he is admiring Laios because it would disrupt that narrative